Blaze Kenshi

[kai]

Name: Blaze Kenshi
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Race: Natural
Birthplace: Earth
Occupation/Status: Military

Organization: Earth Forces
Rank: Ensign

Appearance: Blaze has black messy hair with red at the tips of his hair. His eyes are a emerald green. They always seem to shine. He is about 5'8 and weighs 145. He is a little muscular. Yet he isn't very. He is very agile. Also he is somewhat strong.

He often wears a black hat over his head. He wears a red tank top most of the time. He wears black shorts and black boots. He wears a gun belt with 2 pistols. Also their is another one hidden by his shirt in the back. He also carries 3 knives.

Personality: Blaze is a cocky trash talking know it all. He says what ever he wants whenever. This gets him in trouble a lot. He doesn't mind much except he doesn't want to die from his ability to not listen. He also likes to make people laugh. Yet when it comes to the war he is very serious.

Also he is serious when it comes to mechanics. He doesn't like anybody else touching his mobile suit. It bothers him a lot and sometimes pisses others off with his attitude. He just feels that nobody can do better them him with metal work. Yet he messes up a lot. So he is getting used to not working on his own machines.
He also likes to be alone a lot to think about things. Yet sometimes he enjoys the company.

Mobile Suit: Rx-93 Gundam
Dimensions: overall height 23.0 meters; head height 22.0 meters
Weight: empty 27.9 metric tons; max gross 63.0 metric tons
Armor materials: gundarium alloy
Powerplant: Minovsky type ultracompact fusion reactor, output rated at 2980 kW
Propulsion: rocket thrusters: 4 x 18300 kg, 2 x 12300 kg; vernier thrusters/apogee motors: 26
Performance: maximum thruster acceleration 1.55 G
Equipment and design features: sensors, range 21300 meters; dummy launchers in hands; birdlime launchers in hands; psycoframe cockpit frame
Fixed armaments: 2 x vulcan gun, fire-linked, mounted in head; large beam saber, power rated at 0.85 MW, stored in recharge rack on backpack, hand-carried in use; beam saber, stored in recharge rack in left forearm, hand-carried in use
Optional fixed armaments: shield, mounted on left forearm, mounts beam cannon (power rated at 7.8 MW) and 4 x small missile
Optional hand armaments: beam rifle, power rated at 3.8 MW, powered by rechargeable energy cap, with attached grenade launcher, 1 round; hyper bazooka, clip-fed, 4 rounds per clip plus 1 round in chamber, can be stored on backpack storage rack
Remote weapons: 6 x fin funnel, stored on backpack storage rack

This gundam is capable, very capable. It can do close range or long range. Making it very dangerous. It's not the fastest gundam in the world but it is pretty fast.

Personal Skills/Attributes: He is a pretty good mechanic. On the battlefield he can handle himself well. Usually not missing a shot and is a good long range shoot too. He is also a pretty good field general.

History: Born to a mechanic and a jobless woman. His parents really didn't care for him. With him alive they just found it harder to put food on the table for another person. Blaze never really was an important person. He went to school like most people.

He soon started to hang out with the wrong crowd. They decided to ask him to hang with them and showed him what they were doing. Blaze didn't like it but they were the first people to really treat him like a family. He and his friends stared causing trouble. Stealing from houses and other things. They started to steal cars and one of his friends decided to take it up a notch. He introduced firearms. To bring fear. They were pretty much making themselves act like a gang.

He eventually got caught. Yet they gave him a choice. Join the army or accept arrest. He didn't want jail so decided to go to the army. He breezed through the practice and was a pretty good soldier. He hated doing at first. Yet he now kinda enjoys the job now. Thinking he is helping the Earth forces.


"Talk is cheap. Renji no." Renji jumped back after getting kicked in the face. He would be out for a while. His jaw might be broken. He wanted to help Haru though.

Haru turned to the wolf after hearing a howl. This was a pretty big mistake because when he did it he was hit by the wind based attack. Holes appeared all over his shirt. Their were deep cuts on his skin. This wasn't going to be that easy.

"First you insult my emotions. Then you insult my skills as a ninja. Now you attempt to kill me. Now it's my turn!"

He stood on the iced water again. He was going to have to keep some serious distance from this guy. He closed his eyes again. He put his hands together and started a long line of hand signs. He needed a little more time for the jutsu he was attempting.

Renji struggled to get up. He limped towards the man trying to fight haru. He just kept thinking how he couldn't let him get hurt. Each step closer caused more pain. He didn't think he would ever make it. Haru hands were moving at incredible speed. The water next to him started to stir. Haru body started to burn as well. He tried not to let the burns get to him. The jutsu was almost ready.

"Water Dragon Jutsu" The water broke over the ice. The water was shaped like a dragon. It went towards Akeno. Haru's eyes were burning with intensity. He didn't want the anger to take control of him. Yet it was coming real close to taking control of him.

[Crystal Kaisuke]

Hmmm...I'm not entirely sure what to say about this. Your bio is a good length but you have to remember that role playing is just like writing a story, you have to make it flow smoothly. From simply reading your characters history, you pretty much go from one topic to another.


So here's a suggestion, explain more about his parents, how did he meet his friends? what kind of crimes did he commit, etc. If you like you may use my character bios as examples.

[kai]

edited it

[Crystal Kaisuke]

Born to a mechanic and a jobless woman. His parents really didn't care for him. With him alive they just found it harder to put food on the table for another person. Blaze never really was an important person. He went to school like most people.


This still doesn't flow the way it should. I'll reconstruct this paragraph to show you what I mean.


Blaze was born to a mechanic who had to struggle hard in order to put food on the table, for him, and his mother who unfortunately had no job. Though he wasn't entirely sure of the reason, but maybe it was because of their financial problems that his parents didn't care for him. Having him here...just made it more difficult for them to live.

So when creating a character bio it's best not to rush through it, be descriptive and use words that go together. As well as trying not to repeat words {Like your character's name too often.}

Also, one paragraph should have one topic, don't continuously change topics at the beginning of each sentence.

{Ugh... I think I've got a run on sentence there x.x... but this flows a bit more smoothly.}

When the global mods get on I'll ask them to look over this as well. ~_^

[Sacura Yamato]

You don't need to keep repeating the same words over and over.
Ex: He soon started to hang out with the wrong crowd. They decided to ask him to hang with them and showed him what they were doing. Blaze didn't like it but they were the first people to really treat him like a family. He and his friends started causing trouble. Stealing from houses and other things. They started to steal cars and one of his friends decided to take it up a notch. He introduced firearms. To bring fear. They were pretty much making themselves act like a gang.

Using the same word three times in the same paragraph is really pushing it. Here is what you could say instead;

He soon started(This one is fine because it's started the mood of the sentence) to hang out with the wrong crowd. They decided to ask him to hang with them and showed him what they were doing. Blaze didn't like it but they were the first people to really treat him like a family. He was roped into helping his friends cause trouble. Stealing from houses and other things, they also stole cars. One of his friends decided to take it up a notch, he introduced firearms, to bring fear. They were pretty much making themselves act like a gang.

I restructured the last sentence, this makes the paragraph flow more smoothly.

Make it interesting, if you want to keep reading then we probably will want to as well.

I think that is what Crystal in talking about.

[Crystal Kaisuke]

Yup ^^